Things you hear when on your gardening rounds, Part One

I was in Amyl Hempstead on Saturday again, fancied a coke, so stopped at a shop in the Old Town (quite nice really, the Old Town, not the shop). While queuing the most beautiful girl walked in, early 20s I'd say, looked Thai to me. She was the kind of girl that makes everybody stop and I mean everybody, women too.


The whole queue watched as she walked by. Two women behind me, mid to late 40s sneered. The conversation went:


1st woman Too much make-up (not so, hardly any really)


2nd woman What's she doing over here anyway? (bearing in mind the shop we were in was what they euphemistically call in those parts "The Paki Shop", even though they were so obviously Indian)


1st woman Yeah, come over here, take our jobs (such a pointless cliche)


At this point I looked over my shoulder and shook my head, the shopkeeper raised his eyebrows when I looked back at him. I shrugged my shoulders.


1st woman She probably can't speak a word of the lingo


2nd woman Yeah and she probably works in the brothel up the road


Thai girl (in perfect English, with a slightly plummy accent) Excuse me, could you tell me where the washing up liquid is please?


It's times like this that make me so happy we do have the semblance of a multi-cultural society in Britain, however miniscule it may be. I'm not aware that there is a brothel in Hemel Old Town, but why did these meatheads assume this beautiful girl would work in one anyway? The fact she spoke such pristine English is by the by, but it was a lovely moment and made me and the shopkeeper rather happy for just a short while!


Happy integration...


PS: Just up the road from the Old Town high street is a little area festooned with union flags and St George's crosses. It also had a flag that looked like a St George's cross with a double cross of gold on the inside. Parked outside one of the houses was a BNP van. Sad...

Cheer up sleepy bean...

Sometimes in life you get to do something so wondrous and, yes, awesome, that you believe you can't expect your life to produce a better experience. Last Wednesday evening, 25th May 2011, I had one of those experiences. It involved one of my best friends (I have 7 best friends, one of whom is my wife) and a pop band from the mid-60s. 

Helen and me singing along to Daydream Believer

Apologies for the blur, this is taken from a video taken on  my mobile.


Yes, the Monkees were over for their 45th anniversary tour, I knew I'd like it, I am a real fan from day one. The first ever show 31st December 1966 (don't you love the internet?) was it for me, 9 years old and hooked. My cousin, Robin, was always disparaging - "They don't play, they don't sing, they mime everything to a band behind the curtains" - my brother was on that pathetic band wagon too. Alls I know they were a laugh and the music was pretty good too.

Nottingham Concert Hall, 25th May 2011

The majority of the audience were almost as old as the "boys" and they didn't want to get up, but Helen and me, latterly, couldn't keep seated. It was truly a fine evening and my love for The Monkees and Helen (for suggesting we get the tickets one beautiful drunken night on the phone) knows no bounds!

Davy Jones - trooper!

Peter Tork CAN play - keyboards, banjo, lead guitar and the fucking French horn!

Micky Dolenz STILL has an incredible voice

Real Scouse Git, always loved the kettle!

Keep on Monkeeing around is all I can say...


What's this got to do with gardening? Nothing!

The Things You See While Out Gardening Pt2

Saturday mornings are spent in Hemel Hempstead maintaining 3 gardens, I did this deliberately so I don't have to go there too often. And here is the reason...

You can bet your sweet bippy it ain't hers...

His and hers? Liz and Phil's?

A polystyrene flower, that looks uncannily like a burger/chip box

Quality shops

The little yellow sign says, "Danger of death" - indeed

A few years ago this was a Threshers offie run by a lovely lesbian couple. It's been like this for about 8 years now, adds true ambience I think you'll agree, nice bit of green to what a mate of mine has renamed, Amyl Hempstead - double indeed!

College Lake, a gem on our doorstep

Just a mere 5 minutes drive from our lovely front door is this:

1,000 species and a tea room, it's kinda like bliss really...

Finlay, age 5, in one of the many "hides" -
we love it!

Happy twitching I say!

Funny the things you see when gardening pt 1

This little scene was taken last week in a tiny little cul de sac in Tring. I think it shows there are far too many people with big cars who travel very little distances in said vehicles...

Everyone a 4WD, 'cept my own Volvo The Belgrano, just on the right there

I would love to hear the justification for these monsters in a town like Tring - i e 30 miles from London, OK a tad in the country but not exactly the highlands and islands or the moors or the Welsh valleys. Every one of them driven by a little lady "doing lunch" - sorry to be a git about it but they were all very Desperate Stepford. I weep for our children...


Lovely bit of compost there though!


Happy chastisement...

The truth about the Coalition Cabinet

They have cloned together the two most evil creatures the universe has seen. Thatchros - as it has been dubbed - allegedly lives in the basement at Number 10. The proof is here for all to see:

This photo of the first Coalition Cabinet has been enhanced using new technology

It's pretty damning I'm sure you'll agree, the public are being asked to be vigilant in the extreme in the coming weeks, rumours abound as to the nature of the creature's ulterior motivation. The possibilities are boundless, this creature could be more dangerous than the former "most wanted", Dubya.


Happy alien spotting...

This is why the ukelele is God...

...I am very biased but this is why the world needs to play the ukelele:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oOoFw-T7Y8&feature=player_embedded

Get yourself one immediately, it's easy to learn!


Happy strumming...