Witness this, just the other day, a rather ancient lady said, "Here you! What are you doing?" To which I replied, nothing. What happened was, I appeared from an area of garden belonging to my oldest (sorry longest) client that was very apparent to the "general public". Said woman had a walking stick and proffered it in my direction saying,
"I shall hit you with this if you don't explain yourself."
Now, I would quite simply have explained to the said lady that I was in fact the gardener of the house and grounds in front of her very face, BUT, I couldn't be bothered.
"Who do you think you are?"
Again, what a crap question to ask of an anarchist - whether said anarchist was in that space relevantly or not, is beside the point. At this juncture I should say that I was in fact quite legitimately dumping some debris from said garden in a perfectly legal site.
Once again the old lady touted the aforementioned walking stick in my face.
"Please," I said, "stop that." I could have scripted the reply.
"Oh, I shall hit you if you do not explain yourself."
"I don't think so," I replied. "I am the gardener here and if you even attempted to hit me, I don't think it would have succeeded."
"I am a very successful shot you know," she replied.
I wanted to say, "Fuck off you ancient waste of space; you left over piece of upper middle class Tory trash." But I smiled and said, "Seems we have had a bit of a misunderstanding, peace be with you."
She seemed to be appeased, but walked off swishing the stick in a very Errol Flynn stylee. Real life is so much more weirder than the made-up stuff.
Here some pix, my brethren:
|You see this is where i go wrong all the time, I forget to take before|
pictures, so trust me, this was very untidy before I weaved my magic.
|Wish I knew the name of more shrubs - this is at Rebecca's in|
Quainton - and I cut it back quite dramatically last year, don't it look good?
(Picture taken about four weeks ago.)
|Newest garden - about four weeks ago - and a freshly cut lawn, mmmm...|
|The above three pictures are of the Laurel hedge at Quainton. I have|
taken off about four foot to allow a bit more sunshine into the garden and,
more importantly, at the front of the house.
Thing is, it bloody damn well is!
I Thannnnnyou... Garden on xxx