Wednesday, 18 July 2012

COMING SOON... Star Wars at Th'limpits

A long time ago in a one-way system far, far away...

It is a period of unease. Lost bus drivers, driving in ever decreasing circles (or is it increasing?), have lost their first batch of athletes on their way to the evil 'limpit Village, the site of the Stadia of Boyle. During the trip, GeeESfor Exec-cutives manage to steal millions of pounds of the 'limpit Empire's fortunes and gain control of the ORBIT, an armored installation with enough power to destroy an entire planet. Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Colo races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the people of the 'limpits. . . . 

....but lo, ho, what is this sound of slime against tarmac? This disgusting pustulence trailing monster, with the breath of skank-ridden Thames water and Chateau-pap-de-bleurgh? It is the evil one that is Jonna-the-Hut. He spouts his indefinable gibberish, thus:

"Colo! Hay lapa no ya, Colo!
"Boonowa tweepi, ha, ha.
"Sebbo, mah bukee, keel-ee caleya ku kah. Wanta dah moole-rah? Wonkee chee sa crispa con Camero?"
(Loosely translated: Seb, what the fuck have you done to my town? I told you to build it in Lego you twat-faced Chelsea supporting grease ball. I tell you this I'm off to tell Camo, he'll know how to sort your fucking arse out baby!)

Next time: Th'limpits A Guide

Normal Service will be resumed shortly, in approximately 24 days...
See fah luto eetheen, ee yaba ma dukey massa. Eeth wong che coh pa na-geen, nah meeto toe bunky dunko. Lo choda!
(Translation: "Fuck you, no it won't" said Jonna, dribbling...)


  1. I have no sympathy for the people of London.
    They voted for Boris Johnson so they deserve the Limpits.
    Does that make me a harsh person?

  2. Harsh, but fair my dear... As my dear ol' dad used to say, "You get what you vote for - and indeed you get the government you deserve..." Bleeding obvious, but bitterly true.