The Things You See While Out Gardening Pt2

Saturday mornings are spent in Hemel Hempstead maintaining 3 gardens, I did this deliberately so I don't have to go there too often. And here is the reason...

You can bet your sweet bippy it ain't hers...

His and hers? Liz and Phil's?

A polystyrene flower, that looks uncannily like a burger/chip box

Quality shops

The little yellow sign says, "Danger of death" - indeed

A few years ago this was a Threshers offie run by a lovely lesbian couple. It's been like this for about 8 years now, adds true ambience I think you'll agree, nice bit of green to what a mate of mine has renamed, Amyl Hempstead - double indeed!

College Lake, a gem on our doorstep

Just a mere 5 minutes drive from our lovely front door is this:

1,000 species and a tea room, it's kinda like bliss really...

Finlay, age 5, in one of the many "hides" -
we love it!

Happy twitching I say!

Funny the things you see when gardening pt 1

This little scene was taken last week in a tiny little cul de sac in Tring. I think it shows there are far too many people with big cars who travel very little distances in said vehicles...

Everyone a 4WD, 'cept my own Volvo The Belgrano, just on the right there

I would love to hear the justification for these monsters in a town like Tring - i e 30 miles from London, OK a tad in the country but not exactly the highlands and islands or the moors or the Welsh valleys. Every one of them driven by a little lady "doing lunch" - sorry to be a git about it but they were all very Desperate Stepford. I weep for our children...


Lovely bit of compost there though!


Happy chastisement...

The truth about the Coalition Cabinet

They have cloned together the two most evil creatures the universe has seen. Thatchros - as it has been dubbed - allegedly lives in the basement at Number 10. The proof is here for all to see:

This photo of the first Coalition Cabinet has been enhanced using new technology

It's pretty damning I'm sure you'll agree, the public are being asked to be vigilant in the extreme in the coming weeks, rumours abound as to the nature of the creature's ulterior motivation. The possibilities are boundless, this creature could be more dangerous than the former "most wanted", Dubya.


Happy alien spotting...

This is why the ukelele is God...

...I am very biased but this is why the world needs to play the ukelele:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5oOoFw-T7Y8&feature=player_embedded

Get yourself one immediately, it's easy to learn!


Happy strumming...

Allotment life Pt the first...

...this may be a random, every now and then thing, who knows.


Tonight, at dusk, I took my first batch of dwarf french bean plants over to the allotment. There are some quite nice people over there, but as I am basically a sociopath I very rarely talk to them. Especially Tim, who has the plot to the right of ours. I joked (a bit) about being a sociopath myself, but Tim is most definitely one of those people with the social grace of Michael Winner on speed - "calm down darling" indeed!


Last year Tim asked me how I was getting on with my job search, I said I had just started gardening and he said, looking disparagingly at my plot of barely tended ground, "What makes you think you can be a gardener?" Unfortunately at the time my 4 year old son was running towards the main road that we have to cross to get back home, so I couldn't reply as I had wanted - i e, a nice slice to his neck with my trusty hand hoe. I muttered something like, "Sorry, my son is about to be splatted by the 500 bus to Aylesbury, so can't stay..." and ran to catch aforementioned child before that very thing could happen to him.


Suffice to say, I attempt to avoid the loon at all costs. I bumped into his wife the other day and found that she is almost as lacking as Tim in the social skills - she has an Ann Widdicombe type approach, very direct and twice as ugly. She laughed when saying, "Remember how you lost all your potatoes in that late frost last year?" (The hand hoe, where's the fucking hand hoe?) I smiled through gritted teeth and carried on regardless.

...handy hoe killer...

She also said, "Fleece is the answer, fleece and mulch." "Yes," I replied, "and perhaps the BBC weatherman getting his weather report right." "Don't see you over here much these days," she carried on. "Wonder who does all the work then, d'ya think it might be the potato fairies?" I replied, acerbically. (NB: these are the actual words, I kid you not.) She did not even acknowledge the fact that I used the words fairies and potato together in one sentence. I know it's not exactly Grouch Marx, but per-lease, it was mildly amusing. "Yes," she carried on, "fleece and mulch." "Sounds like an old english hey-nonny band, you know, Morris Men and all that?" She blanked me, success! 

Hey-NONNY!

Anyway, tonight Tim was just leaving as I arrived with me dwarf french beans plants. I haven't seen him for months, well not up close as if I see him when I round the corner from our place and he's on the plot I turn round and go home - trust me, it's worth the hassle as I will kill him if I mix too much with him. He ALWAYS has to say something, ALWAYS! and this was the brief conversation:


Tim Bit late to be planting, what you got there then?


(he never says hello, just blunders straight into what ever his strange instinct brings up)


Me Never heard of the old phrase?


Tim What?


Me When 'tis half moon seen, Plant your dwarf french bean. Don't let me hold you up I can see you're off home, BYE!

'tis a true delight by the light of the silvery moon

Happy mulching...

It's all in the trim action...

This is a past time that I actually quite like doing. Not really sure why, maybe it's the order it gives - brings out the fascist in me perhaps. It kind of goes against my natural instinct which is to leave things to grow as they would, but tidiness and straight lines look so nice in a garden. 


This is what I like to get to...

The partare at Pat's place - it leads to the pool!

So this is what I started with last week, I trimmed all of the small hedges, it took me 5 hours and was a lovely way to spend the time too, 'twas very hot too.

Bit of growth that needs a tidy sir, anything for the weekend? Been on holiday yet? We're off to the Balearics this year...

...little splash of something sir?

Like say, don't really get why I enjoy it so much, but this is one of my tasks I really like. Trusty shears at hand always!


Happy trimming...